Thursday, July 21, 2016

Failing


Yesterday I walked into one of the bathrooms and was hit with it--the smell was decidedly bathroom.  Ew.  I couldn't even remember when it got a half-assed cleaning, let alone a proper one.  And then I continued to look with a more intent eye at the rest of the house...and sighed with exasperation.  It's dirty around here.  I began to have that inner monologue, the one where I start beating myself up for not being good enough.  House not clean enough.  Kids not behaved enough.  Dinner not 'Food Network' enough.  With 'mom' as my only title...
I'm just not cutting it.

There were other things on the agenda yesterday, cleaning the house was going to have to wait.  And I muttered through the day, just getting done what needed at that moment to be done.  Most days feel like my attention and energy goes primarily to foiling the various plots of my nearly 2 year old.  Pulling him off furniture and stairs, out of cabinets and closets, removing things from his hands and mouth.  Every ledge has some random collection of things I'm trying to stash from his grasp.

Eventually, I started the inner monologue pep talk.  It won't be like this forever.  I rattled off what I had accomplished that day--performed small appliance repair on my espresso machine (again--since the warranty is nearly up), laundry, picked garden veggies (and made zucchini pizza two ways for dinner), removed kitchen cabinet door and took it in to match paint (since we have an appraisal upcoming), post office, dishes, diapers, naps and bedtimes, kept all the kids alive and from each others throats, blah blah blah--and hung portraits up the stairs.  

And that day felt like I had failed.  

Then I poured a glass of wine and put my feet up.
Because even my failing days are pretty busy.







2 comments:

Barb said...

When they are little and growing, there is so much to do moment by moment. I can tell you from my lofty age, that memories are not made by pristine bathrooms, but by the activities you do each day with them. Keeping an eye out for their safety is a full-time job! You seem to do it well. Cheers!

The Lady Okie said...

You did a lot! And your wall looks great :)