|The kids were playing so nicely together, I didn't know what to do with myself.|
I remember very distinctly the morning my husband returned to work after our first child was born. We stood at the door of our first apartment and I looked at him with overwhelming fear, How can you leave me like this? I can't handle it. Over the past 11+ years, I've given him that look a lot. When sick with new pregnancies, up all night with new babies, dealing with fevers, temper tantrums, business trips. When he would call at the witching hour to meekly ask if I'd mind him playing basketball after work, we both knew what look I was giving him even though we weren't face to face, How can you leave me here like this? I can't handle it. I've let the weight of this parenting responsibility pull me down more often than I've let the blessing of it lift me up. Shame on me.
But recently, it's been different. Maybe it's the consistent sleep? More consistent hormones? Maybe it's a better shot of the big picture, starting to see some of my kids go into the world and being so proud of the people they are turning into that my heart could burst. This week, while I've had my kids home with me on spring break, I've looked at my husband differently. I feel sorry that he has to go to work and I feel incredibly grateful and appreciate that because he does, I get to be here.
|Didn't leave me lonely long.|
|the anderson crew|